Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
