My nipple is on Facebook.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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