Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
