And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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