we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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