he wants to bone in the snuggie
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize