I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Also, beer. Big fan.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
