Nicole vs. Life
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
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Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
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