She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
She bit a glass in half.
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We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
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Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
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