I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
