so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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