you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
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