I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Randomize
