I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Just invented taco cereal.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
