Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
