she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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