Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
