Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I want to fling myself into the sun
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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