i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
