If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
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