worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
