Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
We had to coat check the pizza.
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We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
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He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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