I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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