i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
