Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
