can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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