the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
