I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
