I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
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We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
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So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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