Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize