Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize