a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
