yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
