I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
