Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
