Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
