First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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