you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
