I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
