I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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