If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
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Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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