I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
