you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
