Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
