3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
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