better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
