Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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