i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
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I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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