1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
