I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
