Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
