walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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