Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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