Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
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So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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