The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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