when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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