do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
