I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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