I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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